22 years ago I took a picture, In memory of my pre-baby body. I remember saying "just in case I never see you again".
Did I speak a curse over my mind or was I merely accepting the fate that God had for me? Because of my life long battle to get back to what I deemed as normal ,I will believe that I let my mind believe it wasn't going to be possible.
I remember the day I gave up the obsession. I was running from work to the gym daily, feeling good and thinking I got this mommy thing down packed until I walked in to my Daughter taking her first steps in the child care center at the Omni Fitness center. Something snapped in me and I began to feel so as if vanity was my sin. I took my baby and did not return.
Taking it slow, we got back in the swing of things. An hour here and there kept me satisfied, but not happy with my new normal. I felt unrecognizable. And that's when it all began, the Battle of the Mind, an unhealthy relationship with myself. Blame, shame, hiding and isolation with each pregnancy. I felt like I wanted to be invisible, always questioning my husband. "Can you live with what you see". Of course to my disbelief he would emphatically answer "Of Course". But the blame I put on him just made it worse.
My Life is in a box; Work, Home, Church.
During this time my Health had become a major set back in my day to day routine. From head aches to sciatica pain from "pregnancy", so I thought. Well this is where I believe God intended for me to use my experience to help someone else. I was introduced to a company that specializes in health and wellness and all things beauty. God spoke and said "you won't have to quit working because of your back". I gave all praise to God and proceeded to host my first ever weight loss class through my new company, and that's where God revealed to me, you have food allergies and you will have to spend the rest of your life being food conscience.
I am;
Gluten sensitive: a disorder in which the body cannot tolerate gluten, a protein found in grains like wheat, barley and rye. It is not life-threatening, although it can be uncomfortable and affect daily life.
Corn sensitive: If you have an intolerance (defined by yorktest as a food-specific IgG reaction) to corn (maize), your body produces an inflammatory response to the proteins present in foods or drinks containing corn.
The jury is still out on soy and dairy.
Needless to say I am a Transitions Lifestyle believer. So instead of focusing on having this ideal body type, I have been able to have some pretty pain free days and have a fighting chance and maintaining a decent look over the years thanks to isotonix and TLS.
Now In my darkest nights when it comes to weight fluctuations, I have always been able to count on my 30 day jump start kit, but I had to be ok with starting again. It is not starting over because it is not the same unhealth weight you would have to lose, it is new unhealthy weight. I had to wrap my mind around that weight loss or gain is not permanent unless you are dead.
One Lesson learned: I need to focus on eating more, more than focusing on what I am eating, because when life gets to lifing', I lower my food intake and raise my stress intake. Bad combination for maintaining a healthy weight.
Update Sept. 2024. 20 lbs lost and on my way to better health.
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